Day 5 Till I Die

 

Hello Love,

 

Today is the weekend, but I'm still working on making reviews. I have no plans to go anywhere, in fact, I really want to stay at home. Even to go to the minimarket, I need a strong will. The mosquitoes managed to push me to go to the minimarket to buy some mosquito repellent. Haha

I lost my appetite. Not because of the weight gain, that might be one of the reasons. But, I don't know why I feel lazy to eat. I only ate 1 cup of papaya for breakfast and 1 pack of instant noodles for lunch. Yes, I didn't cook any weird dishes today. Just a simple instant noodle menu. Even though I know that food is not really good for my health.

Oh yeah, I also downloaded some movies that I think are interesting to review. They are on my long list. So many movies are already in line for me to review.

I also saw some job openings at NGOs that I might be able to apply for. But, I'm still hesitant about my English skills. I know that I have to work hard to hone it. I also know that I shouldn't be too impulsive in making decisions about my life. It's just that I feel like a failure and broken again with my current condition.

You know the feeling of dilemma and contradiction that keeps spinning in my brain? It's like I want to run a 4km marathon, even though my physical condition for jogging a short distance is not yet possible. That's how it feels.

Today I also dared to send a message to my ex because I wanted to send some things that were still left at my house. I want all the business with him to be finished and nothing left. He said he would pick it up. But, honestly, I don't want to meet him or the people involved with him anymore.

Someone looked at me with pity today, maybe because she knows my situation right now. Then what should I do? Hahaha Yup. My mental state is not okay today. I can't imagine my future.

 

Is my time still long?

 

(uwiepuspita)


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