Day 20 Till I Die

 

Hello Love,

Today, nothing went according to plan.  Remember how the shop where I usually buy vegetables was closed yesterday?  I tried it again today, and… it was still closed!

I went to another shop a little further away and bought some bok choy, green beans, and carrots.  Actually, I still have a few carrots and green beans left – enough for one more meal.  But I needed to stock up because my period is coming soon. Usually, I can't do much because of the pain during my period.

I also went to buy some papaya at my usual shop, but the price seemed different today. It was more expensive. Usually, I buy it for 15,000 rupiah, but today it was 20,000 rupiah. I was a little confused, but I didn't argue. Haha.

Oh yeah, I really wanted to eat shrimp today.  The shop where I bought the vegetables didn't sell it, so I tried another shop.  Unfortunately, they didn't have it either.

I almost gave up, so as a last resort, I tried to buy some from the street food stall where I usually get seafood. But, once again, they were closed.  I don't know.  Maybe I'm not meant to eat shrimp today.

I went to the pharmacy to buy some vitamins.  Usually, I order them online because they're sometimes cheaper.  But today, I made the right decision to buy them directly at the pharmacy. They were 20,000 rupiah cheaper!

My mental health isn't good today.  I'm feeling overwhelmed. You know I'm unemployed right now, and then I got news that I need to contribute to a pool of money to fix the road in my housing area. If the road gets fixed, my house terrace will be affected, and I'll need to fix it too. And that also costs money.

I really don't know what to do.  I mean, why do the problems never stop? So many things have happened in the last two years.  Just when I think I'm starting to get back on my feet, another problem pops up. I don't think I can handle it.

I need to stop for a minute.  I just want everything to stop.  I can't handle this alone. Please help me.

I try to slow down my brain. I listen to some instrumental music and do some exercise while listening. I even cycled with my eyes closed!  I just let my feet do the work and let my brain rest.  It's weird, right?  But I need to make myself tired. Exercising is better than hurting myself.

I exercised for about 30 minutes and then fell asleep for another 30 minutes. But not on the bicycle – I slept after the exercise.  Then, I continued cycling for another hour.  So, that's 90 minutes total.

I think I'm feeling a little better now.  Of course, it involved a little (or maybe a lot) of crying. Haha.

Enough for today.  See you tomorrow, Love.

 

(Uwiepuspita)


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